The Four Parts Of Self Forgiveness - Free Essay Example

To forgive is defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as, to cease to feel resentment against (an offender).1 But what happens when the offender is oneself? Self-forgiveness is something that can be hard for a person to grasp. It can be easy to get wrapped up in wanting forgiveness from others, to make ourselves feel better about the actions committed, but when it comes to the wrongdoing that we do to ourselves, it can be the hardest to forgive. Per-Erik Milam, a professor at the University of Gothenburg, talks about the idea of self-forgiveness, as being something that is an uncontroversial part of our common psychological and moral discourse, 2 it is unarguable that self-forgiveness is detrimental to our society, without it we would not be able to function in our society. Self-forgiveness though, can be dangerous to oneself, because it can bring shame and unwanted guilt to you, as the wrongdoer. With bringing unwanted, harmful effects to a person, self-forgiveness can be a burden that we must deal with, in order to grow as people and mature within our lifetimes. To really understand self-forgiveness though, four categories must be stated. The first is going to be, societal pressures, followed by guilt and shame, next, the burden of self-forgiveness, and ultimately, importance of self-forgiving. I. Societal Pressures The influence of society can be crucial in relation to self-forgiveness. With norms being different around the world, we also add in a level of ethics to this topic. For example, in one society, it can be okay for parents to spank their children and not feel bad, whereas in another, it can be seen as child abuse. In the society where spanking as punishment, there should be no self-forgiveness, or the pressure of self-forgiveness because all around, it is an okay act. In the society where spanking is looked down upon, when a parent commits that act, theyre going to have to look within themselves for forgiveness. With though, it being wrong, the pressure from society will make them feel bad about the act and force them to reflect on oneself as a person, not just the actions. The added pressure will also ensure that the wrongdoer will look at themselves as a morally bad person, even though the same act is deemed a norm in other societies. The dangers of self-forgiveness can be derived from negative attitudes oneself portrays during the forgiveness process. Byron Williston outlines this in his article, The Importance of Self-Forgiveness, saying that Self-forgiveness is the forswearing of self-directed negative attitudes like contempt, anger, and hatred.3 Since we cater these negative thoughts, the way we respond will create a deeper self-loathing, one that will become a burden, since we as the wrongdoer, are already disappointed within ourselves. These thoughts will generate an anger that can surpass our original feelings, especially because we must note that we have to fix our feelings in order to forgive ourselves. With this thinking of self-forgiveness though, it must be recognized that taking responsibility is a way of conforming to outside standards of right and wrong. The influence of others, in regard to self-forgiveness, should be non-existent, because they dont know what is going on inside the mind of the one seeking self-forgiveness, but since there are societal standards and moldings, the wrongdoer feels the need to look into others for advice or influence, to decide if theyre being right. In order to self-forgive, the stigma of confiding in others and comparing to others must be taken away, because if not, itll create a more negative mindset and framework for emotions. Outside influence plays a key role in the negation of ones self, because they are the ones who will ultimately judge the decisions made by the wrongdoer. People live in society today to please one another, rarely do we see one completing acts for the greater of oneself, without the acknowledgement of the peers surrounding them. Zenon Szablowinski briefly touches on this in the article, Self-Forgiveness and Forgiveness, by stating, Further, a third partys assurance that the offence is forgivable may contribute considerably to the completion of the self-forgiveness process. 4The third party can strongly influence the forgiveness by bringing the element of judgment, adding pressure to forgive at a faster pace, or forgive in a way one is simply not comfortable with. When dealing with pressure, one can look at the third party and think to themselves, why cant I forgive like they can? or they must be better than me because they are able to overcome it. This thought process brings negativit y, with comparing, since the wrongdoer fails to look at the positives within themselves, only seeing the negatives. II. Guilt and Shame Guilt and shame play off of each other in a relationship that directly effects self-forgiveness. When dealing with an act that one can deem wrong, such as committing an accident that ends in a fatality, or even committing a crime that wasnt accidental, both of these entities will be haunting. The effect of these is a moral conflict one plays inside, they play a pro-social behavior that can harm the act of self-forgiveness. For example, a mother is struggling to provide for her family. She is a regular church goer, and active member of the community. One Sunday, while collecting donations in church, when counting the total, she takes $40 to feed her family. At first, she does not feel guilty for this act, but a couple of weeks later she is recognized for her outstanding work within the church. The mother, who at first was fine with the decision she made to steal, is now overridden with guilt and shame, because she is seen as a leading figure. As this feeling grows, it is harder for her to forgive what she had done, even though it meant her family could eat for another couple of weeks. The overriding guilt and shame the women in the example expresses can build up, making it harder for her to forgive herself. Even if she told the church what happened, and they were able to forgive her because of the situation, it would be impossible for the women to forgive. With the override of guilt and shame, it would almost be easier for others to forgive, especially because they are not directly affected. Negative guilt and shame can bring forth and add unwanted self-esteem problems to a person. It can be unrelated, or even subconscious to the issue at hand, but the underlie will add detrimental consequences. This sort of guilt and shame causes the wrongdoer to hold anger and resentment toward oneself. It can bring self-sabotage, and overall, take away from what you are trying to forgive. It creates a depression within and makes it hard to form relationships that can be meaningful, stops success, and stops the fulfilling of life pleasures. The correlation between guilt, shame, and self-forgiveness, with its negativity, can also be seen as something positive. Guilt can encourage someone to feel empathy towards another person. It allows for self-forgiveness by opening a window for self-acceptance. As a person, when overridden with guilt, acceptance is a way to normalize the feelings one is having. By recognizing guilt, a window opens up for change. When changes are made, a person will be able to forgive easier, especially because they see how the guilt can hold them burdened. It is though, important to distinguish shame from guilt. Shame leads a person to recluse into themselves, it makes one feel inferior and inadequate. With these feelings, a person will be pulled back and unable to forgive themselves for what they have done. Shame is a vicious cycle that is never constructive, and leads to greater feelings of failure and self-preoccupation, allowing for the back stepping of oneself and relationships held. One with issues regarding esteem or shame, will take guilt and twist it into a negative construct, that ultimately prevents growth. Something that can change both of these into positives though, is acceptance. A person who finds acceptance within themselves will be the one who can forgive what has happened. They realize a mistake was made and they can learn why it was wrong, acknowledge how it made them feel, and eventually move on and grow. With acceptance, the wrongdoers esteem is raised, and they are able to create a life that is more fulfilling, because they will know how to handle themselves, and forgive themselves when situations arise that present guilt and shame. III. The Burden of Self-Forgiveness Self-forgiveness is the hardest form of forgiveness, not just because it is hard to forget, but also because as people, we are our harshest critics. It brings emotions of guilt, sadness, shame, and anger. With normal forgiveness, the victim expects an apology, and it is almost assumed that one should apologize for the incident that had occurred. The apology brings power to the victim, because it allows for control of knowing that there doesnt have to be forgiveness. When the wrongdoer is oneself though, there is a grey area of forgiveness. There is a burden of not deserving the forgiveness, and even greater, the burden of living with whatever the action was at that time. As people, we tend to hold onto things. We hold onto any feeling that we have ever experienced, whether it be a time where happiness was expressed, or a time of great sadness. The act of forgiveness when there is no possible way of forgetting is a huge burden within itself. How are you supposed to accept that a person forgives, when you yourself cannot? How can you cope with knowing that the victim has forgotten, when you yourself cant erase what happened? Maybe the answer isnt that the action should be erased but should be embraced. When you forgive another, the judgement is gone, and healing can begin. When you forgive yourself, the same concept applies, here is acceptance and the ability to move on is set into place. The burden though, is when one simply cannot move on from the action. There is an underlie that as a person, there is an inability to house that forgiveness, because as a person, we are our harshest critics. Burdens can come when one cannot see the whole picture. People tend to focus on one thing at a time, on one situation or event at a time. When the focus becomes tunnel, it is hard to see what can become whole. There is nothing else besides a trap of cyclical, degrading thoughts. Why wasnt I better? What could I have done differently? Why am I not good enough? These are just a few thoughts that can come up when dealing with forgiveness. These are burdensome because they focus on the negative, and not what was positive. Examples of positive, forgiving thinking are, it happened, its time to move on, or I cant change the past, but I can control how I act in the future. The burden here though, can be the refusal to forgive because one knows they will change, so why speak words when actions will be greater? This crosses into a realm that can be a burden as well, because it paints the wrongdoer as someone who refuses to take action and be accountable for oneself. Without the aspect of accountability, there cannot be any sort of forgiveness. As we learn to forgive ourselves, it takes a sort of personal action to create the energy to admit our wrongdoings. The burden of not being able to forgive, is pride. Pride can be seen as something good, pride in an accomplishment, for example. What happens though, when someone has so much pride, they refuse to admit they are wrong? This fuels a fire that can break off relationships with others and even with the self. The burden here is that without the knowledge of forgiveness and acceptance, there is a void in which happiness cannot fill. Without humility in ones actions, there is an esteem that will paint the wrongdoer as someone who refuses to grow up and accept the situation. The harsh reality, and something that a majority of people find to be a burden, is that it is impossible to change the event that took place. There is no restoration of the harmed relationships, and anything said cannot be taken back. Overall, the ultimate burden when it comes to self-forgiveness is self-love. Someone who has love within themselves is going to be quick to forgive what they did, because they can go into and come out of a situation knowing that no matter what, they will love themselves. Without self-love, we cannot self-forgive. How does one obtain self-love? First, there is the idea of being mindful. With mindfulness, it is important to make sure that one is in an open, curious, and overall non-judgmental state of being. This is hard though, because as humans, there will always be a form of closed off judgement. Second, the wrongdoer must express a type of self-kindness. Here it is important to extend a sort of care amongst yourself, as you would a close friend or loved one. Once these two forms are acknowledged and achieved, it is possible to move on and realize the third aspect, humanity. Everyone is human, a struggle that is often portrayed is that as a person, no flaws exist. Once these flaws are recognized, the ability to open up and self-love is ever prevalent. Self-love though, takes time and takes skills on top of the above mentioned. Let us say that one does love themselves, to put it all to practice, there must be recognition of experiences, whether they be joyful or contain suffering. Along with that, there has to be acceptance of feelings. One who self loves can tell what emotion they are protruding without question. Ultimately, the decision must be made if you can forgive yourself, and without self-love, that is simply impossible, making it the biggest burden all together. IV. Importance of Self-Forgiveness

Emotional Scene From Stranger Things - 1261 Words

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Federal Regulation Over National Curriculum And Testing Essay

The education system in the United States could definitely use some serious changes. As of now, what we are doing is not producing the results it should and it would seem that it is time for a change. But the last thing this change should be is a federal regulation over national curriculum and testing, if anything, that would increase the current problem. There are numerous issues with the current education system to be addressed. One of the main focuses will be on its lack of concerns for students’ lives and how much they are truly affected by the education they receive. As well, some possible solutions to be considered for the future of this country’s education because staying on this path won’t lead to any improvements. Problems with the Current System As a nation the United States ranks twenty ninth in the world for education. Certainly not the worst, but as such a developed country that claims to be the best, shouldn’t it be higher? 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Censorship In Radio Essay Example For Students

Censorship In Radio Essay Censorship in radio For the past several years Freedom of speech in America has had its meaning changed many times. Although the changes have gone unnoticed by most Americans, In the radio business they are felt day in and day out. radio personalities, programmers, and owners have to deal with this everyday but they too have no real idea what the Federal Communications Commissions idea of free speech is. You see the rule seems to change depending on who you are. If you are tagged by the FCC anything the broadcaster does or says is monitored and picked over and fined.( Howard stern. King Of All Media.165-166 ) The FCC has been picking on Howard Stern for years, they singled Howard for doing ?trash radio?. But according to Stern other programs are saying or doing the same if not worse things than he is. Stern tells of when Geraldo said (Stern Miss America. 526-530.) in a show about the Mennendez brothers being molested for doing something wrong. ?Hell, Im not for child molestation, but if I knew anal sex . . . punishment, Id keep my room clean.? Geraldo goes untouched. but Howard got fined for saying ?lesbians filled with lust.? (Howard Stern. Miss America.519). That seems a bit more tame to me but since Stern is tagged he gets fined. The First Amendment states. ?congress shall make no law . . . abridging the freedom of speech.? This rule, over the years has changed to ?congress shall make . . .? as interpreted by the FCC (king of all. 165) this makes no sense the word freedom, according to Websters Dictionary means the state of being free from constraints, possession of political and civil rights, unrestricted access or use yet, the FCC is in charge of what can and cant be said over the airwaves. The FCC is the god of the broadcasting industry, they do not have to answer to anybody they have all the power to do whatever they want. The basic rule for a deejay is that he/she may not use the seven dirty words, all know them and understand they can not use them, But what nobody knows is, what else cant a deejay say over the air. The rules are not documented. Most stations go by their own policy, And if their policy is wrong and something goes over the air that isnt supposed to they can get pulled ( off the air) or fined. Martin Espada is a person who got pulled from the air and his poem censored. ( all things censored. 20-22 ) Espada says, he wrote a poem for the radio program All Things Considered called ?imagine the angels of bread? about an African American wrongly accused of killing a Philadelphia police officer. And with the heat the poem would have generated the program with some forceful help from the FCC type group called National Public Radio the poem was pulled and Espada was no longer allowed to read his poetry on the air. Now Espada was never fined from the FCC because his poem never made the air waves, but the real question is, If it had, would Espada been fined? probably not, Because so many deejays that do ?trash radio? never ev en get looked at by the FCC Because they are not marked yet. This shows the hypocrisy of the FCC. I myself have lived in many different cities all across the United States and Ive listened to just about every local deejay in those cities and they are all pretty much doing the same thing as Howard Stern, yet no fines hardly at all, I watch television and see the same type of show, again no fines, Joe salzman writes about the hypocrisy of free speech. ( hypocrisy rules the air waves.) He points out that shows like Seinfeld, (In prime time when most kids are watching) can talk about ?Sexual intercourse, Masturbation, bodily functions, male and female sex organs, Impotence, homosexuality, and birth control methods.? and people and the media love him. And a show like the Howard Stern Show.( in the morning, when most kids are in school.) talks about ?sexual intercourse, . . . and birth control methods.? and people and the media hate him. He goes on to say ?most people who rave about Seinf eld watch his program. most people who rant about Stern havent actually listened to his show.? the same goes for the FCC according to Stern, He says some fines he gets the FCC had not actually listened to the show, but have heard about it from letters from people who were listing.( Stern radio show ). Censorship happens in Canada as well, Stern is going to be pulled from the air because the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council doesnt like the racy show. ( this are the same people who got the Mighty Morphine Power Rangers pulled off the air in Canada). They demand that Montreals CHOM-fm and Torontos Q-107 take Stern off the air for violating the industries code of ethics. this got back to Stern, he responded with this statement. ?It looks like Im Hitler or something , get a sense of humor were just goofing. Im not a rocket scientist or a philosopher . Im a radio deejay jay who makes people laugh?. ( stewing over stern.53.) This is so true what the FCC, N.P.R., C.B.S.C, and other gove rnment officials have got to learn, Deejays are not to be taking serious, they dont cause war or famine they are entertainers, if a deejay says ?*censored*? on the air it isnt going to hurt any sane-minded person. Howard and other deejays say what is on most of are minds anyway, most people are just to afraid too say what is on their mind. One other case is the case that disappeared. As Stern says the FCC is good at losing paperwork ( Miss America. 519.) This case was with a Miami based deejay Neil Rodgers Who acutely won a case against the FCC. Neil was fined for gay bashing in 1996, He was charged after saying the word ?fat queen? . The problem was this, Neil is an open homosexual, and he was talking about himself. The case was thrown out of court and now Neil says he is pretty much left alone. But the FCC has lost the paper work and deny ever giving him a fine.( Neil Rodgers Show.). I heard this on my way to work one day while listening to Neils show and rememberd Sterns comment about the FCC losing paper work. when his company Infinity tried to take the FCC to court over the fines, the FCC did not show up for court instead they started losing the paper work every time Infinity tried to buy another radio station. until Infinity finally just got tired of this and paying off the fines ?and were talking millions? said Stern. (miss America.519.). There are ways to stop all the censorship in radio but it most likely wont ever be stopped completely. There are groups and political parties there to help the cause such as the ( Libertarian party ) Libertarian Party, and Freedom For Speech. But neither is very powerful so I propose some easy solutions. The Supreme Court must look over the First amendment remember what it stands for and limit the power of the FCC this organization has way too much power. There is checks and balance in all other government except for the FCC the Supreme Court should set up another origination to balance the power, like congress they wo uld have to vote majority rules on every censorship issue and all other regulations that are set and regulations to be set. This way there would be no overwhelming power to decide what can tell them to do. But the easiest thing that can possibly be done the most simple solution that any one with arms can do is. See that dial on your radio? turn it. it really is that simple if you dont like what you are hearing turn it off. 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